Welcome to Night Vale
by bluedragon03
Summary: The local newscast for a small town in the middle of the desert featuring some of everyone's faves: Yato, The Faceless Old Woman Who lives Secretly In Your Home, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Kazuma and more!
1. The Jewelry Maker

**A newcomer arrives in Nightvale, hands grasping and groping for the sky appear in the place of sidewalk all over town, a look at the community calander, and the new dog park opens at last!**

 **Today's weather is Noragami by Adachitouka!**

* * *

Yato scrolled through his phone as he walked down the street, looking over the outline for today's broadcast when something caught his eye. Some _one_ caught his eye. Someone beautiful, and perfect, not to mention someone new. There was _never_ anyone new in Nightvale because things being new would indicate the passage of time, and Yato did not _believe_ in time, and yet there was someone _new_ and _perfect_ coming out of the Joann's fabrics store across the road, looking confused, and holding his freshly purchased falconry gear.

Yato experienced a strange phenomenon where he could not move from his spot, he looked down to see if he'd accidentally walked into one of the patches of sidewalk that had turned into a collection of grasping and clawing hands reaching as if from the depths of hell that had been appearing all over town to drag innocent townspeople into the abyss, or wherever grasping and clawing hands that appeared where there should be sidewalk took people. It was strange, he'd never been affixed to a particular spot on the sidewalk before. Was he being held in place by the Faceless Old Woman Who Lives Secretly in Your Home? He didn't _feel_ like he was being held in place.

His eyes turned back to the new and _perfect_ man who was now waiting for the crosswalk to change from _FLEE_ to _HIDE_ wearing the most beautiful befuddled expression Yato had ever seen. Was this new person perhaps the cause of Yato's mysterious stagnation? Perhaps this new man was a blood witch who had cast a spell on him with his enchanting beauty, and it was all part of an elaborate assassination attempt plotted by his enemies.

No, that didn't make any sense, most of his enemies were members of the shadow cult, and they _hated_ blood witches, and would probably never hire one to try to kill Yato, so what was going on? As Yato watched the man turned his green eyes onto Yato and he blushed profusely, and suddenly realized what was wrong. This man had not cast a blood spell upon him, but a regular spell, with nothing more than his perfect face, and perfect hair, and perfect green eyes. Yato smiled at him, and the man smiled back, seeming relieved. With much difficulty Yato pried his feet from the sidewalk and approached the same crosswalk where the man was standing and crossed the road to his side.

"Hi, my name is Yato," He said, extending his hand. The perfect man shuffled his falconry gear around in his arms until he could extend his right hand, and Yato saw Kanji tattooed on the back of his hand.

"I'm Kazuma," the perfect man said. "Could you explain to me the road signs? I'm sorry I'm new to town and don't understand them."

"I saw you looking at them earlier, don't worry it's not that hard to remember. Flee means run because there is an evil force at work nearby and you need to escape before it consumes you and Hide means that they're looking for you and you need to find the nearest manhole cover and cower until they're gone." Kazuma looked slightly concerned.

"Who is they?"

"Oh, you know," Yato replied, gesturing vaguely around. " _They._ "

"So, can I cross the street?"

"Oh, yeah, that's fine." Yato doubled back across the road, walking alongside Kazuma. He was pleased when Kazuma was heading in the same direction as Yato, meaning they still had a chance to talk. "So, you said you were new to town, we don't get a lot of newcomers here in the desert."

"I thought that might be the case, I've been getting weird looks all day. You're actually the first person to smile at me all day, well except for this old woman who was surrounded by all these wolves, I thought they were statues because they were so still, but then she told them to stand and they did all at once, it was kinda freaky. How did she even have all those live wolves in the middle of town?"

"Those aren't wolves," Yato supplied, "they're German Shepherds, but that's a common mistake."

"No, I'm pretty sure they were wolves."

"Nope, they're definitely German Shepherds. She has signed paperwork from the Sheriff's Secret Police."

"The what now?" Kazuma asked, sounding alarmed.

"Oh, don't worry about them, just be careful not to look directly at any of the pale blue helicopters that are definitely _not_ constantly patrolling the Nightvale air space, and don't mention them by name more than once in any conversation or you'll be taken into the secret facility that's _not_ hidden away in the desert for re-education." Yato quirked his head in confusion at the look of sheer terror on Kazuma's face.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Of course not, I'm Yato, the voice of Nightvale, I pride myself on being a reliable source of information for all Nightvale citizens, which includes you now!" Yato said proudly.

"Um, what do you mean you're 'the voice of Nightvale?'"

"OH! I forgot to mention it, I am the local news broadcaster at the Nightvale Community Radio Station. You should stop by and I'll give you a tour. I could give you a tour of the town too, if you'd like, no one knows Nightvale better than me!" He bragged.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to be an imposition."

"Nonsense, I insist! I feel it's my duty as Nightvale's loyal news broadcaster to make sure our newcomers all feel welcome!"

"But I thought you said I'm the first one in a while?"

"Which is exactly why I'm so excited to finally get to show off my hospitality!"

"Well alright, if you insist."

Just then the two of them came across one of the places where the sidewalk vanished and was replaced by hands that groped and clawed at anything that came close enough. Kazuma let out a hair-raising shriek, which people on the street probably believed was just someone being dragged away to the Sheriff's Secret Police Secret Facility to a fun two weeks of re-education, and therefore ignored it as per the orders of the Sheriff. Yato gave Kazuma a surprised look. Sure, the hands were grotesque and horrifying, but not _that_ horrifying. Hadn't he seen things like this in his hometown?

"Don't worry," Yato said reassuringly, placing a comforting hand on Kazuma's shoulder to prevent him from fleeing. "They won't drag you down unless you let them touch you, it's okay." Yato used his best comforting voice, which for some reason only seemed to make things worse.

"This is a dream, some horrible nightmare. I must have jay walked earlier and gotten hit by a car, and now I'm in a coma and this is my dream."

"Don't be silly, this is reality, well insofar as this is no more likely all a computer simulation than anything else we experience or are programmed to believe we experience. What's so scary about the hands? Haven't you seen any yet? They're popping up all over town. Don't worry, the Secret Police and the City Council will figure out how to fix it, or maybe they'll go away on their own, as these things sometimes do."

Kazuma pinched himself, then winced.

"So, you see them too?" Kazuma asked, still looking frightened.

"Of course, they're right there and I'm not _blind_."

"I don't understand, why aren't you freaking out?"

"I guess because I knew about them already? They're the third thing on my news docket because they're not particularly frightening or important, but they're on there! These _are_ the first I've seen though, and let me just say, they're even more horrible than I imagine, but that isn't saying much I wasn't terribly impressed with the idea of them."

"You're kidding me right, how are you not freaking out?" Yato shrugged his shoulders.

"They're just not that scary," he replied. Kazuma blinked a few times, looked from Yato to the hands then back to the nonplussed expression on Yato's face, then moved so that Yato was in between him and the grasping hands.

"This is crazy." Yato gave him a weird look. Why was Kazuma reacting like this, didn't unexplained things happen in his home town all the time? They continued walking, quietly for a moment before Kazuma asked another question. "You said you did a radio news show, what's that like?" Yato lit up, he _loved_ talking about work.

"Oh, it's awesome! Mine is the most popular radio show in Nightvale and I get all the breaking news first!"

"Wow that's really cool! What station is it, and when do you broadcast? I should tune in!"

"You should! I'm on station F.M. Seventy-Five doom."

"What?"

"F.M. Seventy-five doom," Yato repeated, slower this time. Kazuma gave him another strange look but didn't say anything.

"What about you, what do you do for a living?" Yato asked.

"Oh, I make jewelry," Kazuma replied. "That's why I went to Joann's, they have _some_ craft supplies, but then one of the sales associates pressured me into buying this falconry gear. I didn't even know Joann's _carried_ falconry gear. Most other stores have mostly fabrics. Is there a Michaels in this town?"

"Oh yeah, it's on the other side of town. The employees of Michaels and Joann's used to get into bloody turf wars in the street, so the Secret Police had to relocate the Michaels. When I take you on the tour of the town remind me to show you where it is! It's next to the burned husk of the God of Poverty Pizzeria!"

"That's good, they have a lot more jewelry making supplies."

"Do you have pictures of the jewelry you make? Maybe I could be your first customer in Nightvale!" Kazuma shifted his bags around and pulled out his phone, then pulled up a few photos. Yato raised his eyebrows at the photo's Kazuma was showing him. The earrings were remarkably devoid of live scorpions or spiders or _anything_ , but Yato smiled politely as to not hurt Kazuma's feelings.

"They're very pretty, I see you like different colors of rocks very much." Kazuma gave him an amused look.

"Thank you."

"Maybe you could make me something."

"I could!" Kazuma smiled at him and Yato smiled back shyly. They reached the station and Yato stopped walking.

"Well this is my stop, I'd invite you in to watch the broadcast, but station management is prone to agonized shrieking when we bring in unexpected guests. Maybe some other time!"

"That sounds like fun, I'd like that."

"You'll have to tell me when you're free, I have to give them a specific date or they might throw you into the break room and lock the interdimensional portal."

"Good to know." They exchanged numbers, so they could set up a time for the tour and Yato entered the station with a spring in his step and whistling merrily. He stopped, of course, when he entered, because it wouldn't do to draw the attention of the Station Management. That was never a good thing.

* * *

"The sky shakes as the ground reaches up and tries to drag it down to its level, crushing us all into gooey pools of blood and viscera. It is afraid, we should all be _very_ afraid. Welcome, to Nightvale." Yato pressed the button to play the theme and pulled up his itinerary of important news events he was supposed to discuss on today's show.

"The city council would like to announce the opening of the new dog park we've all been waiting for. They would also like me to remind you all that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. _People_ are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park, _do not approach them._ Do not look for any length of time at the dog park _or_ the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you.

"The second thing on my itinerary is to remind everyone in town that it is _illegal_ to participate in any blood circles. It is also illegal to _not_ participate in blood circles. Do not question the laws, the Sheriff's Secret Police are already coming for you. Remain calm and do not resist.

"That brings us to the third thing on my list, the hands sprouting up from the sidewalk everywhere. Not even twenty minutes ago I had the pleasure of encountering these _horrifying_ patches of hands and let me tell you they are misnamed. They are not just patches of hands, they are patches of hands _and_ arms. They sprouted up from the ground like grotesque little sunflowers writhing and reaching for the sky and latching onto anything that got too close and dragging it down into whatever hell verse they spawned from. How neat!

"But let me tell you this, dear listeners, that was not the most exciting thing about my day. Today I met the most _beautiful_ amazing man I have ever seen, and I think I fell in love. His name is Kazuma and he makes jewelry. Now, some of you might be thinking, there isn't anyone named Kazuma in town because names that don't have the letter O in them are illegal, to which I would remind you that that law was repealed after the Jeremy revolution of two thousand and three when we all got together to fight for our right to name ourselves and our children as we please.

"Some of our younger listeners who were not yet old enough to participate in the fight may be asking, 'Yato, why is it called the Jeremy revolution? Was it started by someone named Jeremy? Shouldn't the name be more inclusive, after all, not everyone who doesn't have an O in their name is named Jeremy.' To those people I would reply, it's just the name we decided on. When we all huddled together in the middle of a brutal desert sand storm in the parking lot of the Yomi Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex we were like 'what do we call our revolution?' and someone was just like 'Jeremy' and at that point all our exposed flesh was bleeding on the count of the raging desert sand storm, so we were like 'okay yeah sure whatever' and that was that.

"Now back to the interesting story: Kazuma. I mentioned earlier that he makes jewelry, but it's not jewelry like you and I know. It is utterly devoid of live snakes, scorpions, or even mice. I know what you're thinking Nightvale, what is even the point of wearing jewelry if you don't hear the sickening screams of the mouse attached to your right ear as it tries desperately, and ultimately fails, to flee as the snake attached to your left ear slowly crawls around your neck and fixes its cold, unblinking gaze on the mouse and then devours it? What's even the use in having my ears pierced if at some point in the day the live animals on my body don't fight it out for their lives loudly, and I don't hear the wet and unsettling sound of fangs sinking into flesh?

"Well, to you I would say, maybe there's room for a new kind of jewelry in Nightvale, the kind that _doesn't_ stain the shirt your best friend got you for Christmas with the blood and viscera of the mouse it just loudly and wryly ate next to your ear. Maybe jewelry can be made of pieces of brightly colored rocks and bits of glass and even metal, and you can wear it more than once. Now, I know not everyone is into that, but it's just something to think about. Ah, now my manager Hiyori is tapping on the glass of the recording booth and looking annoyed. Wait, she's writing something down, and now she's holding up a sign that says: quit talking about your new crush and get on with the community calendar. Right, sorry Hiyori.

"Anyway, the Sheriff's Secret Police last week conducted a raid on Nightvale Elementary where they arrested a ring of Girl Scouts for selling cookies laced with cocaine. When questioned the girls said they did it because they just _really_ wanted to win the bicycle with streamers on the handlebars and hoped that the addictive properties of cocaine would help them sell more cookies. They followed up by saying they _weren't_ sorry and that they would show those girls from troop 194, they. would. show. them. Eventually they had to be released due to lack of evidence because all of the cookies had been consumed by ravenous customers. So, of course I do not condone drug use, but what creative sales tactics, don't you think? The Troop Leader said this would _not_ affect the girl's applications for Fear Scout.

"Now onto the community calendar. Monday there will be regularly scheduled chaos as people take to the streets and wail over the end of the weekend and beginning of the work week while the Sheriff's Secret Police beat the wailing citizen's back into their homes with brooms saying 'back, get back, get outta here you varmint!' but not regular brooms, those push brooms that look kind of like dry erase markers with long bristles on one side. Where do they even get those, is there some weird push broom store that only the Secret Police can enter?

"Tuesday the sky will turn scarlet and begin to scream while we all kneel outside in the shower of blood, chanting in ancient languages that we do not speak to plead for our lives. Wednesday night is bingo night in the community center.

"Thursday half of the population of Nightvale will disappear without any trace for three hours, no one will remember them, or remember remembering them until they reappear, at which point we will all forget that they were ever gone. Friday the City Council will be holding a press conference to remind us that Nightvale is not a democracy, the elections we hold are all shams, and we are in fact all living in a terrible totalitarian regime and free will is dead. Saturday will be the annual 'It's not actually Easter But Time Isn't Real Anyway So We'll Just Do This Whenever We Want Easter Egg Hunt' and finally on Sunday the sun will be refusing to set for a full twenty-four hours because 'It's _my_ day isn't it?' This has been the community calendar.

"Listeners, it has come to my attention that while I was telling you about the community calendar something happened. Kazuma was _spotted_. I received a call from someone who works at the Joann's fabrics store saying Kazuma came _back_ in and tried to return the falconry gear they had sold him, saying that he didn't even own a falcon anyway and he didn't know why he'd let them pressure him into buying that. They said he seemed surprised and terrified by the standard customer service death threats upon returning purchased falconry equipment and thereafter fled the store.

"Oh, everyone, my intern Yukine just entered the recording booth and handed me a piece of paper, thank you, Yukine. Let's see, the piece of paper says that there is an update in the grasping and groping hands that drag careless pedestrians into some type of hell other world situation. It seems while I was talking about Kazuma, and then the community calendar, and then Kazuma again the City Council tried several different things to get rid of the hands.

"First, they tried just pouring cement over them. It says 'maybe the hands were just always there, holding up the sidewalk and we didn't know it. Maybe if we pour more cement in there they'll have something to hold up and be happy and stop pulling people into whatever hell realm they came from.' This did not work. The hands simply scraped the cement off nearby arms and threw it into the faces of onlookers with impressive accuracy, laughing cruelly and taunting 'ha ha haha ha we got you right in the face and we don't even have eyes _loser_.' They did not point out they were chanting cruel if not slightly childish taunts without mouths.

"Second, they got John Peters, you know, the farmer, to come with his chain saw and try to _amputate_ them. It says here that several onlookers fainted at the sight of so much blood and exposed bone, as well as the terrified and pained shrieks that the writing arms emitted as they squirmed around each other and tried to escape the ever-devouring teeth of the chainsaw. The City Council wisely deemed this method too bloody and horrifying to continue, not to mention new hands kept sprouting where the severed ones used to be and in order to maintain the lack of hands it would require John to duplicate himself and stand over every place where arms were sprouting, continuously cutting them down, over, and over, and over.

"'I just can't do that,' John Peters, you know, the Farmer, said. 'Not the duplicating thing, because I can definitely do that, but I just can't be spending all my time and energy cutting down continuously regrowing arms that drag you into a mysterious other world, I've got farming to do! Maybe if it was every other weekend or something I could manage it, but not a twenty-four seven gig, oh no.' Thanks for the comment, John!

"The next thing the City Council tried was to ask the arms _nicely_ to leave. 'Oh arms,' they said, 'will you please just go? You're making this more difficult than it has to be!' to which the arms allegedly replied in a huff, 'Oh _I_ see, you were just _using_ me? I thought we had something special, and that you _cared_ about me, but I guess I was wrong, and that you were just using us for cross dimensional travel!'

"'But arms,' the City Council replied in unison from underneath their deep black hoods, under which there appears to be nothing but void, 'we didn't even _ask_ you to start showing up everywhere and dragging our citizens to wherever it is disembodied arms drag people to against their will, you did that on your own!' 'Fine,' the arms snapped. 'My sister was right, you never appreciated me!' And just like that they were gone, listeners, gone from our life forever. It just goes to show you don't always need to use force, the best things to do in this kind of situation is to just _ask nicely_ and talk through any misunderstanding.

"Oh, listeners, I have just received a text from Old Woman San with the army of not-wolf-German-shepherds and she said that she saw Kazuma walking down the street looking confused. When she called out to him to ask if he needed help he took one look at her and her dogs and crossed the street in fear. How _adorable_ maybe he's allergic to dogs and that's why he ran. Alright, sorry, getting off topic again, Yukine is giving me an annoyed look through the glass.

"Now, listeners, I take you to the weather!"

* * *

Yato may just be a minor god now, but he's determined to make it big and he's got a plan. Unfortunately, things just don't seem to be going his way. He doesn't have a single shrine dedicated to him, his partner has just quit, and now he's got to find a new divine weapon. Just when things look bleak, he meets a girl named Hiyori and changes her life forever.

* * *

Yato smiled when he made eye contact with Kazuma as he ducked into Yato's favorite coffee shop on Main Street. It wasn't his favorite in Nightvale, or even his favorite on that block, but it _was_ his favorite on Main Street, and he wanted to pick something that was easy to find so that Kazuma wouldn't do all his exploring of the city alone. He sipped on his favorite sheep's blood mocha latte, again not his favorite coffee, or even his favorite latte, but it was his favorite sheep's blood mocha latte.

"Hey!" Yato said warmly as Kazuma sat next to him. He noted the gift bag Kazuma carried.

"Hey!" Kazuma said, "I hope this doesn't seem weird, but I made you something for helping me and showing me around town. I normally don't make things like this, but it came into my head and wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to."

Out of the gift bag he lifted the most magnificent crown Yato had ever seen, woven with what appeared to be wire and with some of the colorful rocks Kazuma was so fond of. Yato gasped.

"Oh, this is too much, you have to let me pay you." Kazuma shook his head.

"No, it's a gift from me to you, if you want to repay me tell people where you got it if they ask."

"Of course!" Yato placed the woven crown on his head. "It matches my tracksuit perfectly, don't you think?" Kazuma nodded.

* * *

"And here's the Michaels!" Yato said, gesturing grandly. Kazuma looked half amused between Yato and the store.

"Why don't you come in with me? You can help me pick out stuff, I listened to your broadcast, though I had some trouble with the radio, I've never seen one like it before. I ended up just saying the channel out loud and it turned to your show. Anyway, you said you thought my jewelry was weird, maybe show me the kind of jewelry you like."

"Oh, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Yato said, "it's just not what I'm used to."

"I thought your analysis was fair. I'm in a new place with a new kind of customer and I need to adjust my business model if I want to stay afloat."

"I think people will adjust to your kind of jewelry as well, after all, this crown is lovely!"

"It suits you," Kazuma said, trying to conceal a small smile.

Then Yato decided to take a risk, he took Kazuma's hand under the pretense of pulling him closer to the storefront and smiled to himself when Kazuma didn't protest. They walked across the long, seemingly eternal parking lot that stretched farther and farther in front of them the farther that they walked until suddenly they were in the store front, and Kazuma was looking around curiously.

"This town is strange," he said quietly.

"How so?"

"Do you really not see it?" Kazuma asked, considering.

"See what?"

"Nothing, it's just new is all." Yato grinned.

"I'm sure someday you'll come to love this town as much as I do!" Kazuma smiled at him.

"I'm sure." Neither of them released the other's hand. Kazuma led them into the jewelry section and was startled by the rows of cages and terrariums full of live animals and insects next to the usual rows of bead strands and wires. "What the hell?" He asked.

"These are just the animals for the jewelry, you know," Yato said lightly.

"Rrriiigghht," Kazuma said slowly. "For jewelry making. Of course, I should have realized. I don't really like using animals though, maybe I could start small with animal _themed_ jewelry?" Yato nodded thoughtfully.

"That's probably a good idea, they offer classes here on how to remove stingers from scorpions. Of course, you can buy the pre-stingless ones, but why pay that premium?"

"That's good advice," Kazuma said.

They spent at least an hour browsing the Michaels, hand in hand, talking quietly about ideas. Kazuma took mental notes of all the ideas Yato had, though perhaps he didn't intend to use them. Yato _was_ a local in this strange new town, and perhaps his interests would align more with the interests of the other residents. Either way, it didn't seem like the people here would be very interested in his jewelry how it was. Maybe he would be able to get out of using live and dangerous animals in his jewelry, but until then he would just have to do his best.

This place _was_ strange. The arms had been terrifying, but not everything about the town that was weird was bad, however, a certain blue-eyed newscaster came to mind, for example. Maybe he wouldn't be able to get used to this town, but maybe he would. He could always move away if he had too, but not just yet. He glanced over at Yato, who was staring appraisingly at a terrarium with a rattlesnake in it, apparently deep in thought, and thought that there were a few things here he'd like to see more of before leaving.

He discovered the hard way that Yato was surprisingly persuasive as Kazuma left the local PetSmart carrying a falcon in a cage, regretting everything in his life that had led him to this point, except for the elated smile that Yato wore now, promising to bring his own falcon over and teach Kazuma everything he needed to know about falconry. Kazuma didn't even _remember_ how Yato had convinced him to buy a falcon, but now he had one, and the idea of spending even more time with Yato wasn't a bad one. Maybe Kazuma would teach Yato a little bit about making jewelry in return. That would be fun.

* * *

Well here you go, this weird as shit au that I just had to do. I don't know how often I'll be updating this, because my Kung Fu Panda au takes priority, but alas. I'll try to get a new one up every now and then.

The Summary of Noragami is from Crunchyroll.


	2. Adoption Day

***Yato hears back about his attempted adoption of Yukine, Old Woman San attempts to break into the dog park, and a look at Traffic. Today's weather is Inuyasha, by Rumiko Takahashi.**

* * *

"The howling of the desert winds drowns out the anguished cries of all those who are being taken against their will by the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency and we all pretend we do not hear.

Welcome to Nightvale."

* * *

Yato bounced nervously in his seat and cast a look through the glass at Yukine, who looked like he was trying hard to _not_ look nervous. Hiyori walked into the recording booth, looked at both their faces, and smiled comfortingly.

"Don't worry boys, everything will be fine. They'll approve the adoption." Yato and Yukine smiled.

"You're right, Hiyori," Yato said as the final bars of the opening theme to his show played.

* * *

"Good morning everyone, and may I open up the show today by apologizing if I seem distant, or worried. Today is the day the Sheriff's Secret Police said I would be hearing about whether or not my request to adopt the station intern, Yukine is approved. If it is approved, of course, we will find out in the usual way, a burning effigy will be displayed atop the walls of City Hall with the warning 'It is finished' meaning that the papers have been filed and Yukine is officially my son! I have avoided talking about the issue on air until today because I wasn't sure if I would be granted custody and I didn't want to jinx it, but I think by now, the City Council's decision is already made and all that remains would be to acquire the gasoline and materials to make the effigy, or to wash the black burlap sacks that will be forced over my head and gas up the black vans that will be used to drive me to the Sheriff's Secret Police Headquarters for re-education.

"Now, on with the news, the Sheriff's Secret Police are teaming up with the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency in a joint task force. When I reached for more information on this matter I reached what seemed to be an automated recording that knew everything about me. It warned if I asked too many questions it would make sure my adoption of Yukine would _not_ go through, so I did what any adult would do, and I hid in the closet under some dirty clothes while Yukine hid under the bed because he is afraid of the dark. No, Yukine, don't make that face, there's nothing to be ashamed of, plenty of people are afraid of the dark. It's perfectly normal, that's where the monsters are!

"Anyway, Nightvale, we as of yet have no new information on this Vague and Secret Government Task Force, no word on what it is for, what they will be doing exactly to stop whatever it is they are trying to stop, or perhaps start, I still don't know, and no information is yet available on how this will affect our daily lives.

"The City Council has asked me to remind you that neither dogs nor people are allowed in the dog park. This second announcement of a fact we are all painfully aware of comes after Old Woman San, who appears to only be twenty-three but exudes an aura of timelessness and age, tried to force her way into the dog park using her army of wolf-like German shepherds. She and her army of not-wolf-German-shepherds managed to force their way inside and tear apart several hooded figures before being pushed out by a mysterious force that they could not see nor comprehend. When asked for a comment Old Woman San growled in a low and menacing tone until I backed away slowly and avoided eye contact to acknowledge her dominance. Boy is she scary!

"What is it, Yukine? Is, is there anything? Oh, alright. Sorry listeners, Yukine was just gazing out the window towards City Hall and I was hoping that he had spotted a burning effigy. He's shaking his head no though. Don't worry, listeners, no news is not necessarily bad news, there is also no sign of black vans arriving to take me away. Just cross your fingers for us.

"Oh, would you look at that, I got a text message from Kazuma. Oh, that's sweet it says, 'I didn't know about the adoption, good luck!' and he added an emoji of a hand with its fingers crossed. Aww, how sweet, I'm just going to reply 'Thank you so much! If the adoption goes through you should come to the party!' He's so sweet. Oh, have I told you guys that he made me a crown? I didn't wear it today because it was a little formal for casual Friday, but it was very lovely, and matched my formal tracksuit well! I said before that maybe there was room in Nightvale for a new kind of jewelry, the kind that is not alive, and I stand by that statement after seeing that crown. Oh, Yukine is holding up his 'stop talking about Kazuma' sign. My bad.

"Okay um, the Night Vale Middle School PTA is having its annual sham-elections in which Milord, the housecat, is once again running for president uncontested, and anyone who expressed interest in running against him was persuaded otherwise under threat of death. 'Milord? Again? He doesn't even _have_ any kids, just the child whose house he lives in, and he never listens to the suggestions of the others, or effects any real change, plus, I'm pretty sure he's been using our donation money to fund his campaign to overthrow the mayor.' Everyone thought, but no one said, remaining silent out of fear.

"When I approached him for comment Milord simply stared at me with his cold dead eyes, which transported me mentally to a desert otherworld with eternally marching armies. The dull thud and swish of hundreds of military boots stomping into the loose sand and then pulling out again, the bright orange yet also brown grains sliding off the increasingly worn surface, occasionally kicking up sand onto the lower pants leg of the soldier in front of them. No apologies are exchanged. The armies march endlessly, but purposefully. They never grow tired, they never grow old. The sky behind them is dark, stars glistening and _writhing_ in anger. I do not know how the stars are angry in their glorious and bright ambivalence that is not truly ambivalent because it is angry, but I know. The stars are angry, and I am afraid.

"Unlike the interview with San I did not avert my eyes, I did not acknowledge the dominance of Milord, the terrible and the great. I stared straight into his cold, dead eyes that transported me into a realm of fear and angry stars, and I did not flinch. Milord was confused by my audacity, shocked, and dare I say startled? Not necessarily afraid, but not _not_ afraid either. I was slightly frightened by my own daring as well. No one had ever stood up to Milord before, no one before me. I saw rage in his little, adorable, fluffy, and terrible face, and I did _not_ blink. All I know is that _Yukine_ goes to that middle school, and I will not bow to a cat who is not doing everything in their power to make his educational experience as good as it can be.

"I left the interview with my heart racing and hands trembling with the adrenaline from my encounter with the tyrant of fluff and flesh. I could not believe my own bravery, I still cannot believe it, and yet, it happened. That encounter was real. I stood up to Milord. Yukine is giving me a horrified look, no doubt thinking that I could have been killed, and then he would be taken back to the shambling house for orphaned children. He is right, it was reckless of me. I do not know what came over me, listeners, but I am incredibly grateful to still be here.

"Now a message from Our sponsors: I approach you for assistance with a menial task. You flirt with me and I pretend not to notice, throwing my hair over my shoulder. You do not notice the faint trace of loathing in my eyes, or the drip of venom from my words, you see only what you want to see, curves, lip gloss, batting eyelashes. Eventually you get the courage to ask what I am doing later, and I lean forward, placing one hand on the desk in front of you so the scoop neck of my dress gapes open. You think that I am flirting with you, your eyes are drawn down below my face. You see the knife tucked into my bra. You see the rage in my eyes. You realize you are being threatened. You are afraid. Victoria's Secret. The secret is where I am going to hide your body.

"Still no news on the adoption, listeners. I have received a number of texts, including one from Kazuma, asking about it during this broadcast, and no. Yukine has kept one eye on the window this whole time and there is still no sign of a burning effigy, not even a plume of dark purple smoke. While we wait let's have a look at traffic.

"She walks away slowly, and you think bitterly of those corny and kind of gross jokes about hating to see her go but loving to watch her leave. You do not love watching her leave now as she walks away, walking just slowly enough for you to believe that maybe, just maybe, she is hesitating, hoping that you will stop her, but the stinging sensation in your cheek begs to differ. It is more likely that it is the weight of all of her personal belonging weighing her down, she insisted on taking them all at once, so she did not have to spend any more time with you than she already had, and she also refused to allow you to help. So, you watch, helpless to do anything more, wanting to say something but being unable to find something that is as of yet unsaid. You tried everything, but this is what she wanted. She wanted to leave. You wonder what is was that did it, what was the straw that broke the camel's back?

"Had she found out that you still smoked, even though you told her months ago that you quit, or your tendency to wear two mismatched socks when you couldn't find a mate? You really don't know. There are so many things about you that she could hate, you realize, probably some of them you don't even realize that you do, but she does. Of course, she does, she had the misfortune of living with you. You feel your heart break as it cries out to her, begging her to stay, but she does not.

"As she leaves she thinks about the things that led her to this point. It was nothing in particular, it was everything, but also it was nothing. She never minded that you smoked, although you are lying about quitting had annoyed her. I mean, why lie? Just say you were still smoking and act like a grown up. Whatever. That wasn't why she was leaving you. She was leaving you because of the oppressive feel of your love, and how she felt like her arms were pinned to her side when she once felt that she could fly. She walks away, growing ever lighter as she leaves you behind, knowing that she made the right decision but wishing that she could have given you a better explanation. How are you supposed to tell someone that they have somehow, without your ever noticing it, become like an anvil weighing you down, drowning you under the weight of an emotion that you are fairly certain used to make you feel like you could fly? Or did it? She isn't sure, she only knows that she is both sorry and glad to be going. She does not know where she is going too.

This has been traffic."

"Listeners, there is still no news of the adoption, still no plume of strangely colored smoke nor any black sedans appearing to drag me away to re-education and relocate Yukine to the Shambling Orphan Detention Facility. There are a few new things, Old Woman San has appeared wearing the shredded and bloodstained, well I think that it's blood anyway, black cloak of one of the hooded figures from the dog park. She is wearing it under her usual large cloak of long white fur, and its addition has made her even more terrifying than before, but I'm afraid I cannot come up with another of my colorful yet obscure metaphors right now, I'm too nervous about the adoption, so I will take you now,

to the weather."

* * *

Kagome is a modern Japanese high school girl. Never the type to believe in myths and legends, her world view dramatically changes when, one day, she's pulled out of her own time and into another! There, in Japan's ancient past, Kagome discovers more than a few of those dusty old legends are true, and that her destiny is linked to one legendary creature in particular-the dog-like half-demon called Inuyasha! That same trick of fate also ties them both to the Shikon Jewel, or "Jewel of Four Souls." But demons beware...the smallest shard of the Shikon Jewel can give the user unimaginable power.

* * *

"Whoohoo! Listeners, I don't believe it, while we were hearing the weather report _it happened_! I received a message from Kazuma saying he thought he saw a plume of smoke coming from the direction of City Hall, so naturally Yukine and I ran to the window to check and _there it was_. The burning effigy that signified that Yukine is now officially my adopted son. May I just say, listeners, that this is _such_ a relief. I was so worried. I had almost thought that my impertinence to Milord, newly re-elected president of the PTA, would cost me the adoption, but it didn't. I am _so_ glad, and once the broadcast closes I will be getting ready for the party to celebrate! Stay tuned for the sound of crackling fire and the scent of burning fuel that you cannot locate the source of.

"Now, before I take my leave to celebrate my newly expanded family, I will say this-

Good night, Nightvale. Goodnight."

* * *

Yato switched the 'On Air' light off, and a great whoop escaped from the recording booth. Yato looked through the glass window into the studio and saw Hiyori and Yukine embracing in delight. Yato felt suddenly weak and sat back down, head spinning, grinning broadly all the same. _Thank goodness_ , he thought. The door to the booth opened and two bodies slammed into him, Hiyori and Yukine.

"I'm so glad!" Hiyori said.

"Me too," Yato said. "We need to hurry up and buy the ice cream, everyone will be turning up at the house soon for the party."

"I'll get the ice cream," Hiyori said. "You should go pay tribute to station management then summon the hot dogs and hamburgers with the blood stone circle."

"Thanks a lot, Hiyori," Yato said.

"I can head home and clean the house," Yukine said. "We have to make room for the mess that Kofuku is going to make when she gets there." The three of them chuckled, Yato squeezed the other two one last time, then they parted ways.

* * *

Every person who came hugged Yato when they saw him, then ruffled an increasingly annoyed Yukine's hair. Yukine vented his anger by making fun of how flustered Yato got when Kazuma hugged him. Yato retaliated to _that_ by making Yukine wear the crown Kazuma had made for Yukine so they had a father-son matching set. Unfortunately, Kazuma had never met Yukine before, so the crown wasn't quite the right size, and kept falling down and sitting lopsided on his head, which Yato thought was _adorable_ and he made them take about a hundred pictures wearing them.

"You didn't mention that Yukine was your son," Kazuma said idly, standing next to Yato and watching Yukine try to take of his crown only to have it shoved back on repeatedly by both a boy who appeared to be his age and Hiyori, who he had met earlier.

"Legally, he wasn't yet, and I didn't want to jinx it, you know?" Kazuma nodded.

"I'm glad it worked out for you, Yukine seems like a good kid." Yato grinned brightly, and Kazuma felt himself melting.

"He's such a good boy! He has some anger issues, but I did too at that age, nothing I can't handle. Daikoku and Kofuku and Hiyori have all been great too, they help out a lot. I probably couldn't do it without them."

"Being a single dad must be hard, I know you don't really know me, but if you ever need anything I'm here." The look Yato gave him practically had him melting into his shoes.

"That means a lot, and if you ever have trouble with anything, all you have to do is ask! I have a lot of sway here as the voice of Nightvale." Kazuma chuckled.

"I'll remember that, but I'm just trying to keep my head down now and get used to life here."

"Good plan," Yato said seriously. "Best not to draw the attention of the Secret Police if you can help it." Kazuma nodded. That was another thing, this town seemed like something out of a dystopian novel, and everyone else just accepted it. They discussed horrifying events with such a tone of normality Kazuma couldn't help but wonder if they all had the same strange sense of humor and were playing a joke on him.

"So, who is that boy with Yukine? A friend from school?" Kazuma asked, for lack of a better topic, not to mention that Yato really enjoyed talking about Yukine.

"Yeah, but Yukine has a major crush on him, and from where I'm standing the feeling is mutual, look," He pointed to the two boys, who had moved on from fussing over the crown and were discussing something intensely. Hiyori looked up, saw the two of them watching, then separated from the two boys and joined the other adults.

"They're talking about Suzuha's garden again, and as much as I like the kid, I can't stand to hear about all the different kinds of flowers he's got growing in there again," she said, smiling tolerantly.

"Suzuha has a real green thumb, and Yukine likes to go over and help him with his garden after school," Yato explained. Kazuma nodded.

"They seem pretty close." Yato and Hiyori nodded.

"So Kazuma, Yato tells me that you make jewelry, but you don't use live animals, that's so interesting."

"I keep hearing that, but in my hometown no jewelry has live animals." Yato and Hiyori gave him shocked looks.

" _Really?_ " Yato asked incredulously. Kazuma nodded, not sure if he was more horrified or amused by their expressions.

"Well that is certainly different," Hiyori said. "Are you thinking about setting up a storefront somewhere?"

"I'm planning on selling out of my house until I can save up enough for a storefront."

"Ah, you'll need to go to City Hall to get a permit for that," Yato said. "You'll have to talk to Mayu for that, but whatever you do, do _not_ tell her you know me."

"Why?"

"She's his ex," Hiyori said, looking like she would be absolutely delighted to tell Kazuma the story if Yato wouldn't. "They ended badly, and she still hates his guts."

"Yeah, well, who the hell thinks that 'radio talk show host' isn't a respectable career?" Yato snapped, looking irritated. Hiyori laughed.

"You'll be fine, Kazuma, she's perfectly lovely to anyone who isn't Yato, whom she pretends doesn't exist and refuses basic services to."

"Is that… allowed?"

"It is when she's the one in charge of receiving all civilian complaints," Yato said through gritted teeth. "I've had to go above her head to Mayor Tenjin a few times."

"Wow," Kazuma said.

"Don't worry, Yato probably needs someone in his life to give him a hard time."

"I couldn't agree more," A voice said, and while all other eyes turned to the door Yato's rolled to the ceiling. A woman with extremely long blonde hair entered the room alone but for the aura of power that accompanied her. Yato's sound of disgust was drowned out by Suzuha's cry of delight.

"Auntie Bisha you made it!" He vaulted forward and collided with her middle, wrapping his arms around her.

"You invited her?" Yato whined. "Suzuha you sell out! It was friends and family _only_."

"She promised she would behave!" Suzuha said, stepping back and looking nervously between them.

"Don't worry about it, Suzuha," Yukine said, "if he gets his ass kicked tonight that'd be the best gift of the night."

"Language!" Every adult in the room, except for Kazuma, snapped.

"I just came by to tell you that I was all set to put pressure on the City Council to deny your adoption request, on the grounds that you're a coward, but then I heard your story about standing up to PTA President, Milord, and decided to give you a chance. Don't blow it." Yato made a silly face at her then turned away. Another shrill cry echoed through the room as Kofuku rocketed over the sofa and flung her arms around the woman's neck, colliding with her full speed. The woman didn't even move, she stood solid as stone. Her eyes turned on Kazuma and he flinched.

"You must be the newcomer. My name is Bishamon, I work at the Sheriff's office." Yato scoffed.

"You're the Sheriff," he said harshly, "no one gets arrested or re-educated in this town without your permission." Bishamon fixed a cold glare on Yato, and Kazuma couldn't believe he didn't wince.

"I'm sure there won't be any need for any of that with you," Bishamon said to Kazuma, extending her hand. He took it nervously. "You're Kazuma, right? This idiot talked about you on that show of his."

"Um, yeah," Kazuma replied.

"There's no need to be nervous, Kazuma, we're all family in this little desert town."

"Right."

"Also, don't forget to get the proper permits for that jewelry making business of yours or we'll be meeting again under different circumstances."

"Of course." Bishamon turned to leave but stopped when her palm landed on the door handle.

"Oh, and don't mention to the permit lady that you know Yato, she hates him." With that she brushed out the door and Yato blew a raspberry into the silence.

* * *

 ***So I had this idea for the weather, (today's description came from Kissmanga) Instead of just putting descriptions of manga (which don't get me wrong I still think is a cute idea) I did obscure Nightvale styled descriptions of a manga or maybe a scene from one and let people guess in the comments about what it was. I could reveal it in the comments after someone's guessed it or in the description of the next chapter. "Last weeks weather was *insert manga here*"**

 **The biggest pro to this is that it could inspire interaction and actually be fun, the biggest con is that I would be locked into manga that I have read, or anime that I have seen. Although, I have _watched_ a pretty substantial list of anime so running out would not be a problem for a while. **

**If I continue to do it the way I have I could do an I'm feeling lucky and do a random manga and possibly discover new interesting manga or introduce readers to new interesting manga, but also I just think the guessing thing could be fun. Let me know what you think in the comments!**


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